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Archive for August, 2009

There may not be much posted for a little while, as I am working on a new page explaining Anxiety a bit better. Hopefully I will get it done and posted within the next week or so.

As for blogging about how I’ve been coping over the last few days. I’ve been feeling a bit down, as usual. I tend to get these brief bouts of what feels like Depression every now and again. I know that Depression and Anxiety can be intensified a bit by not keeping active enough; and as I haven’t really been doing too much lately (other than thinking about everything, like usual) it rather makes sense.

Yesterday I had Work experience in my field of interest (animals); and though it was Admin work it did keep my mind off my usual negative thoughts for a bit. However, I don’t really like being watched as I work so, of course, I fumbled a bit. I cannot concentrate properly whilst being observed and it’s annoying. I wish I didn’t care whether I was being watched or not.

Socializing is a problem of mine. Often, I don’t even leave the house to go out; and though I’m more comfortable going to some places now (i.e. shops), I still feel a little uneasy. Gradual exposure seems to help. As I go to a place more often, the Anxiety decreases slightly each time. I often think about how my family and friends go out regularly, whether it be work or to hang out with people, and I wish I was more like them; confident and outgoing. Sometimes I have a feeling of wanting to be spontaneous, to just go out and do something, but then I realize I cannot. The day is terrible, I’m stuck because I don’t have my Driver’s Licence yet (haven’t got around to getting it yet), there’s no one to hang out with, I don’t really know where to go or what I want to do, it’s night time- what to do? Where to go? etc, etc.

The thing with Anxiety is; often the case is that, the time we (people who suffer from it) expose ourselves to stressful situations is usually relatively short. We are often looking for some kind of escape route as soon as we find ourselves in an Anxiety-provoking situation. Often, by the end of it, we find ourselves feeling rather worn-out. This is because feeling anxious has spent energy; we feel anxious on the way to somewhere and during that time, so by the time it is all over and we are back to a place where we can relax (i.e. home), we have used up a lot of energy and just want to relax.

Hopefully, on this new page I’m working on, I will also have information on things called Panic Attacks (some call them Anxiety Attacks). Many people who have Anxiety experience these; and many people who don’t have a Disorder also experience an Attack at some point in their lives. They are common and scary, but cannot hurt you.

Also, I have updated my ‘About’ page.

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August 23 ’09: Anxiety

Long ago I vowed to myself that I would never let anybody too far into my mind. I want to be in control of myself. I wanted to be free and live a life like most other people. I wanted to follow in the footsteps of my sisters. Go to school, get school over with, hang out with friends and go out, have fun, find a job, get a licence, maybe go to University, find love, move out and generally be free and independent. It’s what most people want. For most it happens over time, for many this never happens for one reason or another; or some of it happens but they have trouble achieving the rest of their goals. Some of it comes naturally while other things you must work for.

For me these things happen very slowly, and there’s always the chance that it won’t happen at all.

I could tell you the whole story of how I got to where I am now; but knowing how I usually write, you would be sitting there from now until the end of the week just reading it.

In short, most people have heard of Anxiety, have even experienced it at some time (the most common example being around exam time); I have noticed that not much thought is given to the word, to the feeling otherwise. It has not been realized by many people that anxiety can linger on long after exams, can come even before exams; can affect someone out of the blue and for no apparent reason. Anxiety can be more severe in some people than others. Anxiety can debilitate a person, can pause one’s life.

Anxiety paused my life; sometimes it feels like I’m not in control. Like many sufferers of any kind of illness, I long for freedom- freedom from the Anxiety I have battled with; going on seven years now since I was diagnosed. I know I’m not the only one, and I know there are others who have had Anxiety much longer than I have. Those people would know what it is like- Anxiety pushes us to the recesses of our minds- we live, hidden in a concealed conscious where people would have a hell of a time finding us.

We find it hard to break free; we worry about everything and can’t seem to be able to help ourselves. Our own minds are like a prison- and Anxiety the prison ward….Perhaps that is not the best description. Many call Anxiety the ‘IT’- a kind of psychological beast manifested by fear and worry that we alone have to beat down.

With Anxiety you always seem to be battling yourself in your mind. Ambivalence seems to be a suitable word to use here. I often find myself in two minds about things. I want to but I don’t want to. The word ‘but’ is often used. “I would love to, *but*…”. ‘What if’ is used constantly…”What of this happens, what if that happens, what if I’m not good enough, what if…”.

Anxiety sufferers tend to reflect on the past, worry about the future- and we forget to live in the present. We become afraid, and some things seem rather ridiculous to be afraid of. Our fear sometimes seems disproportionate to the situation. It’s not that we don’t want to go out and do things…we just find it difficult to- adapt.

In many cases, Panic Attacks can occur- Depression can also be experienced with Anxiety.

There are many forms of Anxiety, however. For more information, please visit:
http://www.sane.org/information/factsheets/anxiety_disorders.html
http://www.beyondblue.org.au/index.aspx?link_id=90
http://www.abc.net.au/health/library/stories/2005/06/07/1828950.htm

If you believe that you may be suffering from Anxiety or Depression, visit your GP.

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Hello, and welcome to my blog!

This is my first ever post, so I’m rather excited =) Didn’t think I’d be posting when it’s just past midnight though; I really should be getting to bed…

I will be writing about a number of things on my blog, but I should warn that some posts may seem rather angst, depressive and negative. This being as I may end up writing about my Anxiety, and how I’m coping with it at the time. Writing about your problems can be rather therapeutic, and maybe- just maybe, reading about it may raise awareness of the condition; but more on that later. I am also a member of Fauna Rescue of South Australia Inc., so I will also post on this when I get animals in.

This is my first post, my welcome post, so I will leave it there for now. Please feel free to comment and ask questions.

Thank You, and I hope you enjoy reading my blog! 🙂

-Carolbird

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Hello world!

Welcome to WordPress.com. This is your first post. Edit or delete it and start blogging!

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